Most of the chocolate information is shamelessly copied from Sandra Boynton's *Chocolate: The Consuming Passion.* ------------------ CHOCOLATE PROFILE No. 04: THE PASTORAL CHOCOLATIST PROFILE: Pensive, pleasant, somewhat shy FAVORITE TIME OF DAY: Midafternoon FAVORITE SEASON: Summer COLOR PREFERENCE: Yellow, green, pink, plum SOCIAL ORIENTATION: Likes family gatherings PREFERRED ACTIVITIES: Strolling, playing music, ruminating CHOICE OF MUSIC: Lyrical RELATIONSHIP WITH CHOCOLATE: Familiar CHOICE OF CHOCOLATE: Milk Milk chocolate is made from at least ten percent choclate liquor ("raw" chocolate pressed from cacao nibs) and twelve percent milk solids, combined with sugar, cocoa butter (the fat from the nibs), and vanilla. The finished chocolate usually comes in bars, although there are many novelty shapes such as chocolate rabbits, Hershey's Kisses, Godiva's 14-inch model Learjet kit, and glove compartment chocolate. ------------------- CHOCOLATE PROFILE No. 05: THE GENTEEL THEOBROMIAN PROFILE: Affable, secretly cynical (nota bene: grief and/or shock can exert temporary but violent changes to the above, most notably in a solitary direction) FAVORITE TIME OF DAY: Dusk FAVORITE SEASON: Winter COLOR PREFERENCE: Blue, violet SOCIAL ORIENTATION: Enjoys discussion groups and committees (cf. note to PROFILE) PREFERRED ACTIVITIES: Philosophizing, analytical digression CHOICE OF MUSIC: Baroque RELATIONSHIP WITH CHOCOLATE: Bingeful CHOICE OF CHOCOLATE: Sweet, semisweet Sweet and semisweet chocolate are made from fifteen to thirty-five percent chocolate liquor, plus sugar, cocoa butter, and vanilla. There is no precise distinction between these two types of chocolate; although it would seem that sweet chocolate shoud have less bitter liquor and more sugar than semisweet, often a chocolate labeled "sweet" (Maillard's Eagle Sweet, for example) tastes more bitter than one labeled "semisweet" (Zaanland Semisweet). Unfortunately, the terminology is bound to remain somewhat of a mystery to consumers, since chocolate manufacturers are reluctant to reveal the complex methods by which they determine how they will label a given dark chocolate bar. Because of the imprecision of the two terms, sweet and semisweet chocolate are commonly lumped together as "dark" or "plain." ------------------ CHOCOLATE PROFILE No. 01: THE REFINED PALETTE PROFILE: Artistic, intellectual, reclusive FAVORITE TIME OF DAY: Late evening FAVORITE SEASON: Autumn COLOR PREFERENCE: Gray, olive green SOCIAL ORIENTATION: Shuns company PREFERRED ACTIVITIES: Flying, reading technical journals, working on computer CHOICE OF MUSIC: Symphonic RELATIONSHIP WITH CHOCOLATE: Formal, but intense CHOICE OF CHOCOLATE: Bittersweet Although many prefer more mellow, simple strains, a select audience appreciates the sharp, fine intensity of bittersweet bars. For these discriminating few, chocolate is not so much a physical indulgence as a metaphysical experience. The disciple of bittersweet looks beyond the sensuous to chocolate's spiritual qualities, and finds there an aura, a mystique, a mythos second only to Motherhood. Those who have this commitment to "Chocolate for Chocolate's Sake" hesitate to allow other ingredients to compromise its purity: bittersweet usually contains around fifty percent chocolate liquor. Because of its distinct "bite," true bittersweet offers a marked advantage over other kinds of chocolate: almost no one will ask more than once to share it with you. For those who strive to attain the highest level of chocolate consciousness -- and to further minimize their exposure to "friends of convenience" -- it is worthwhile to develop a taste for completely unsweetened chocolate. ------------------ CHOCOLATE PROFILE No. 02: THE SENSUOUS CHOCOPHILE PROFILE: Moody, impulsive, self-indulgent FAVORITE TIME OF DAY: Late morning (2 p.m. or so) FAVORITE SEASON: Spring COLOR PREFERENCE: Lavender by day, red by night, black anytime SOCIAL ORIENTATION: Likes visitors PREFERRED ACTIVITIES: Lounging, fidgeting, bathing, reading fiction, dining CHOICE OF MUSIC: Depending on mood, romantic or humorous RELATIONSHIP WITH CHOCOLATE: Extremely cordial CHOICE OF CHOCOLATE: Chocolates Whoever said "The best things in life are free," was, of course, just kidding. The best things go for $19.50 a pound and up. "Chocolates" refers to any form of bite-size, chocolate-covered, overpriced candies. Most chocolates are given as gifts -- for birthdays and anniversaries, as gestures of gratitude or appreciation or manipulation, and especially to further romance. (A gift of chocolates can be an eloquent expression of the true extent and nature of a lover's passion. How many are still in the box?) Because of their small size, they are also relatively easily swiped. There seems to be a certain moralistic streak in many chocolatiers, and consequently many boxed assortments are miniature "lessons in life," implying such wisdom as: /No pleasure is bought without some risk and disappointment/. This explains pumpkin paste and pineapple jellies. And yet these chocolate makers are not without their sense of fair play. As a sporting gesture, they mark each piece of candy with a squiggle or "signature" that identifies its contents. For those who do not feel up to the challenge of chocolate-reading, the more traditional method of center-determining is as follows: Stick your finger in the bottom. Put yucky ones back in the box. ------------------ CHOCOLATE PROFILE No. 03: THE VANILLA PERSONALITY PROFILE: (resembles the profile of a raptor's head with its curved beak) FAVORITE TIME OF DAY: Depends on location of blond FAVORITE SEASON: Also depends on location of blond COLOR PREFERENCE: Fuschia, chartreuse SOCIAL ORIENTATION: Backward PREFERRED ACTIVITIES: TV, being told what to do CHOICE OF MUSIC: AM radio RELATIONSHIP WITH CHOCOLATE: Mutual antipathy CHOICE OF CHOCOLATE: White --} 02: I like that stuff, but I thought you were asking about *chocolate*. {-- There is some disagreement over whether white chocolate is "real" chocolate. Its ingredients -- cocoa butter, sugar, milk solids, vanilla --are largely the same as those in milk chocolate, only without the chocolate liquor. Anyone who would claim that the absence of the liquor disqualifies white chocolate as chocolate would probably argue that fructose and water is not "real" orange juice. Buying white chocolate is somewhat risky. Most chocolate has to conform to ingredient guidelines set by the Food and Drug Administration; white chocolate does not. And since it is often sold not in prepackaged bars but in chunks (called "break-up"), there is frequently no ingredient label on it. You could, therefore, unwittingly purchase as "white chocolate" a candy made of sugar, milk, vanilla, and congealed vegetable fat.